Game #1: Focus on the Friendly Game

by Pat Parelli

Note: This is the first in a series examining the Seven Games and their role in establishing leadership as well as building a language between you and a horse – any horse.

The Friendly Game is the first of the Seven Games because nothing beats a good first impression. When you want to meet someone, how would you first approach him? I like to think about introducing myself to a horse as positively as I would another person.

Unfortunately, horses are often assaulted and abused during an introduction. People trap them, force them into squeeze chutes, tie them up, tie them down, tie up a leg, blindfold them, throw a saddle on, get on and ride the buck out of them.

For a moment, let’s consider that a particular horse has already been ridden. Most of the riders he’s encountered just saddled up and got on, as if no preparation was needed. Then they kick him to go, pull him to stop, and yank the horse around to turn. If the poor horse objects and misbehaves at this kind of treatment, then out comes the armory of gadgets. The gadget may shut his mouth, tie down his head, hold him in a frame or provide more leverage to the rider in order to correct this behavior and have the horse submit.

In my view, studded reins and chains near a horse’s mouth are downright cruel. But, hey, it’s normal, so very few people ever question it. Yet with a little of the Friendly Game, so much of this forceful, mechanical equipment and the militaristic attitude that goes with it can be avoided for a more positive result.

I believe if people could see things from the horse’s point of view, and if they knew of an alternative way to get results, they would choose it.

No Force Neccessary

Horses don’t need to be forced to behave. They can be convinced naturally to become our willing partners.

The Seven Games were developed as a result of observing how horses communicate with each other. This system allows you to know not only what kind of games to play, but in what order and for what purpose.

Game #1 is the Friendly Game. It is, without a doubt, the most important of the Seven Games. You need to play it with your horse first, before anything else, and then you need to continue to play it before, during and after each of the other Seven Games. You can play the Friendly Game with your 12- foot lead rope, with a Savvy String, with a Carrot Stick, with a plastic bag on the end of a stick, with a saddle pad, with your bare hand or with anything you have. Play it from the tip of your horse’s ears, inside his mouth, down all his legs to the end of his tail. There is no part of your horse’s body you should not be able to be friendly with.

To emphasize the power of the Friendly Game, let me give you an example of getting on a horse that’s never been ridden. All this involves is being able to play the Friendly Game at a high level.

I have two focuses in mind:

1. I can see the finished result. I’m on the horse’s back, I’m happy and relaxed and the horse is happy and relaxed.
2. I’m going to ask for permission all the way, and not make assumptions. I’m going to prove to this horse beyond any shadow of a doubt that I am friendly and trustworthy.

I start by rubbing the horse in a pleasurable way wherever the horse will allow me. I begin with these areas and gradually move to the ones he feels more defensive about. These are the “Wait a minute! I don’t know you that well yet!” spots. I take note of those areas and I use them to measure how far I’m progressing.

When the horse is no longer defensive, he is telling me that he trusts his body in my hands.

From there I increase the stimulus to see how much the horse can stand. Some horses are okay as long as everything is slow and quiet. These are horses people learn to sneak around. I do the opposite. This technique will actually keep horses like that from becoming scared and flighty.

I swing ropes. I skip around. I jump up and down. I stagger around until the horse gets desensitized. All the while I have a smile on my face and a non-threatening, relaxed body language. Pretty soon the horse is convinced that I’m harmless. He can get pretty scared until he works through his emotions and my experience and savvy level allows me to understand that.

I persist through the process until the horse becomes confident and relaxed.

To leave the horse feeling scared is just not fair. Life as a prey animal is scary enough, having to watch out every moment to survive. Horses need to get over their innate fears and skepticism if they’re going to become our partners. The first step is that I have to prove I’m a friend no matter what.

Once I feel the horse is making mental changes and begins to look at me differently, lowering his head and relaxing his muscles, only then will I take the next step and ask permission to jump onto his back.

His back is a whole new area that needs more Friendly Game and desensitization. But since I started on the ground, most of the work has already been done. Within a very short time the horse will allow me to lie on his back, kneel on it, stand on it, slide off his rump, disengage his hindquarters… and only then will I fork my legs over his back. This is actually the most vulnerable position.

This entire process has been nothing but the Friendly Game. If I get this right, everything else will come quickly and easily because I’ve earned the horse’s trust. While I’ve been insistent, at no time have I invaded without asking permission. I never acted like a predator.

Horses are amazingly adaptable animals and are very quick to make changes, probably quicker than any other living creature.

Here are some ways to make a good
first impression with a horse:

Hold the lead rope far away from the snap, at least 3 feet, and relax.
Don’t even look at the horse and don’t ask for anything just yet. Most people grab a horse short, right at the snap and hold tight. They want to immediately lead, tie him or lunge him, often without any introduction or permission. To do the opposite will impress the horse. He will recognize the difference.

Learn to give the horse a soft look.
Smile and have a relaxed and friendly body language. Sometimes when people are a bit scared this is hard to do, but it will earn you big points. Direct eye contact can feel very threatening to a horse, and if you become conscious of this you’ll start to notice that a lot of horses will not look at a human. They’ll look away. As a horse becomes more confident he’ll actually be able to look at you, ears forward and with bright interest.

Make your time together as fun for him as it is for you.
Horses love to rub and scratch and chew on each other. Learn to rub a horse like another horse rather than to pat him. Find his itchy spots. Be sensitive to areas that he feels defensive about and use approach and retreat to help him gain confidence with you touching ‘that spot’. Above all, don’t be impatient. Work on things progressively until finally you are able to touch, stroke and rub him everywhere, even under his tail. You can’t force this. You need to gain permission by being friendly.

Realize that much of what you already do
is the Friendly Game.
This could include feeding , watering, grooming, offering carrots or just visiting in the corral. Horses will often fall in love with their grooms and learn to resent the rider because all the rider does is demand performance. The Friendly Game is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship with a horse. It is the foundation of all we do in the Parelli program.

Become more provocative. Escalate the Friendly Game.
Once you can touch a horse everywhere, use the Friendly Game to desensitize your horse to potentially startling things. These could be things like swinging ropes, rain coats, saddle pads, umbrellas, bikes, rolling balls, Frisbees, balloons, people running, jumping, skipping, stumbling, climbing up fences, or noises such as people clapping, bags of cans, cars and trucks. The variations are endless. Use your imagination to help your horse understand new things are not threatening. Once he’s convinced, the fear will disappear. He will start to take notice of how you perceive potentially frightening things. If he respects you and you don’t show any fear, he’ll follow your lead.

Reinforcement, Not Reward

Punishment and reward does not work on horses. Punishment often carries with it an attitude of anger or displeasure and the horse perceives this as predatory.

Punishment usually comes too late and the horse then cannot associate it with the unwanted behavior. Even worse, the human may want to punish a horse for misbehaving when, in fact, the horse is really just scared out of his wits – instinctively.

What does work is positive and negative reinforcement. I like to use the analogy of an electric fence. The shock is negative reinforcement. It has no emotions. If a horse touches it he gets an instant message that this is a mistake. He can only blame himself. When the horse takes his nose off the electric fence, he gets instant relief.

Using this kind of reinforcement will cause behavior changes, unlike punishment which will ultimately cause a horse to become resentful or turn it into a game.

There are two kinds of positive reinforcement – rhythmic motion (rubbing) and neutral (the release, dwell or just sitting there), There are two kinds of negative reinforcement – rhythmic pressure and steady pressure.

If a horse tries to bite you on the arm and you turn to slap him for it, he’s usually ducked back and won the game. Instead, if he reaches to bite and you can flap your elbow just at the right time, preferably while not looking at him, he hits his nose on your arm. This is negative reinforcement and the horse needs only to run into it once or twice before the behavior will change.

Positive reinforcement is also immediate, whereas reward comes after the fact. I’ve often made the comment that you should recognize the slightest try, and that is the moment to release, to reinforce.
The Friendly Game can be used in the form of release and relaxation; not even having to touch the horse, just taking the pressure off.

Another way is to rub the horse, especially when playing the Porcupine Game (Game #2), pressing the horse with your fingers to ask him to yield. It would look like this: rub-press-yield-rub. This effectively erases any negative feelings the horse may have about being pressed. It will help him understand that what you are asking with the Porcupine Game is non-threatening.

Kindness without control spells disaster. There are many incidences where people pet and feed their horses, offering lots of kindness, but get no respect from the horse.

These horses learned that people are not dangerous and so they try to dominate, push, nip, chase or drag people around. In horse society, the pecking order is very important. If you aren’t showing yourself to be the leader, then the horse will think that’s his role. This is where Games #2 through #7 start.

Play the Friendly Game as
Part of Your Horse Training

Don’t neglect the Friendly Game even if your horse seems gentle enough. Don’t rush through it either, thinking that all you need to do is get your horse to stand still. The Friendly Game is the savvy secret that horsemen use to gain the trust of horses and to continually reinforce the trust and love. Once you earn the trust, you can begin to ask your horse to yield to pressure.

 

Learn more about the Friendly Game with the Parelli Success Series DVD – The Seven Games, available in the Parelli web store.

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About Parelli
Pat Parelli, coiner of the term “natural horsemanship”, founded his program based on a foundation of love, language and leadership. Parelli Natural Horsemanship allows horse owners at all levels of experience to achieve success with their at-home educational program. Together with his wife Linda, Pat has spread PNH across the globe with campuses in the United States, United Kingdom and Australia. Newly launched in 2011, parelliconnect.com provides an online social forum packed with training tools, step-by-step to do lists, video and more. Log on today for your FREE 30-day trial at www.parelliconnect.com.